Aj's Acronyms

p.o.l.i.t.i.c.i.a.n

Person
Of
Low
Intelligence
Talking
In
Circles
Installing
Agents of
Nihilism

random freestylings

we don't want to leave anyone out
so we over-extend and under-budget
we don't want to offend
so we fail to speak our minds

we don't want to die
so we diet and exercise
but we don't want to feel alive
so we over-medicate

we want to seem smart
but we don't want to think
we want to be rich
but we don't want to work

we don't want to be sick
so we take antibiotics instead of changing the way we eat

we don't want to be tired
so we take pills and drink to put us to sleep

we don't want to leave
but we've revealed too much about ourselves to stay

Another late night. . . . .

. . . . and all is well.

with the exception of bones that ache 

and hearts that break

are easily mended
if you remember to get some rest
and eat well

tomorrow is tuesday
no
today is tuesday
and another day is coming around
have the last twelve been productive
or are the hours wasted on selfish indulgence
is it ok to do a little for me
if it keeps me able to continue to do for others?

slowing the body doesn't help
if i can't find some time to slow the mind
not rewind
but unwind

it is dog eat dog
and i'm a cat person.

Nightowls

Our creativity comes out at night. In the dark we thrive. Songs are written, paintings painted, ideas envisioned. The glow of the moon is different from night to night but pulls on us all the same. A little crazy and spontaneous when it's full, contemplative and quiet when it's new. And all the in-betweens. Oh the in-betweens, how I love the in-betweens. Doctors have called this bi-polar, but it's only a problem when it has a name and you can't deal. Well, we are dealing. Using these swings in mood and changes of season to motivate the mind. Using the ups for laughter and the downs for strengthening the heart. Yes, the nights have been good to us. Sometimes we miss our friends, the ones who think a decent bedtime is crucial.  But while the world is dreaming up fantastic things, we are basking in that chaotic collective conscious. Your thoughts, our fireflies.

 So go back to sleep, 'cause we got this!

Too Busy To Scrapbook

We can't all be Martha Stewart, but that doesn't mean we aren't creative enough to fake it. Like my mother, I have a problem with saving everything. Every little scrap, picture, scribbled down idea, ticket stub, end of day pocket contents, every everything. These things were really starting to pile up along with my intentions for scrap-booking. Sure I have a lot of wonderful ideas for lay-out and design and even the materials, but finding the time and motivation is hard. One year someone gifted me with a journal, each page thick handmade paper. Again, I knew what I could do with it but it was about what I'd have time to do with it. As a songwriter I have plenty of notebooks going so I wanted to use this one for something else. That's when I came up with the idea for the bit book. It's like a quickly thrown together, smaller version of a scrapbook. The best part is anyone can do it!

Using double-sided tape, or whatever was handy, I started making my piles of scraps smaller. There's not really a ton of order other than it all happened about the same year. Here are some pages from my first bit book.

This is a bunch of stuff that was in my wallet when I washed it once. This page is mostly connected to my friend, Garrett. That's him in the picture.

My horoscope, a positive message on a candy wrapper, calling cards that kept me in touch with family while living in a van. This page is mostly from my first year living in western north carolina.

A great show and some contact info.

A high school id card from 1996, pic of fam, tickets from the high museum and various bits. 

Here's one of my latest. Not quite full, but already gathering its share of bits. Another drawer available for something other than junk. I had a couple of hours on a day off and made this book. Until now all of my bit books have been journals with blank pages. A very elementary design, long pages folded in half and secured with a couple holes and some hemp. The cover is a thinker card stock. The girl is off of an old map of Alabama. Here's the cool thing: you are going to be covering these pages with bits so the paper doesn't have to be new or plain. Most of my pages are recycled materials.  I just place items over bad spots.

Here are some other things you can use or start hanging on to for your future bit book:
postcards (new ones sent to you or vintage ones bought by you), ticket stubs (from concerts, movies, events), old id cards, receipts, notes, things jotted down in a hurry, stickers, business cards, invites, cards, maps, news paper or magazine clippings.

These make great coffee table books!!

Still scared to get creative?  I have started making these little books with blank pages ready for you to fill up. They are $24 and I'll throw in some double-sided tape and a list of ideas. Requests can be made at usedmuses@gmail.com

 

Quietly Waiting

The morning came and I was ready. No alarm clock today. No concern for the time change. A day of much needed rest is here. Sitting in peace with my coffee and a doughnut that I don't really need. Happy to find that Thundercats re-runs still play. A piece of my childhood regained. Aj sleeps in. I hated seeing him sick, but it gave me a chance to be here for him. Aj has been my rock for the last year. I only hope that I can make him feel as loved and cared for as he has made me feel.

Dear God- Thank you for another day. Thank you for Your example of love. Thank you for this time, help me to use it wisely.  -So be it.

My only alert companion this morning, Katie!

Our Autumnal Backyard

Mama's Notes - Part Six

For Part Six of this series I would like to share some of Mama's favorite quotes. These were all written down in the journal she was using in 2010. Enjoy!

"Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."           -G.B.Shaw

♥

"I was born to catch dragons in their dens and pick flowers. To tell tales and laugh away the morning. To drift and dream like a lazy stream and walk barefoot across sunshine days."               -James Kavanaugh

Mama's Notes - Part Five

Aug 31 2010

Was bitchin' bout doing the laundry one day

A friend called

"What cha doin'?"

I bitched about dirty clothes

"Where ya goin'?"

"To the laundry room!"

was my rude reply.

My friend pretty much wrote this prayer

Father God,

When I wanna moan about my chores, help me to be thankful.

-Thankful for a maytag when the laundry piles up

-Thankful for food when the dishes pile up

-Thankful for strength when the worries pile up
-Thankful for a job when the bills pile up
-Thankful for love when the sorrow piles up
-Thankful for patience when the anger piles up
-Thankful for tolerance when the stupid speak up
-for compassion when the needy cry out
-for composure when the bottom falls out
-for never-ending peace every time my little world falls away
Thankful for ALL things in all things!!

-Amen

SO BE IT
In Jesus' name.

I get by with a little help from my friend.

(This is part 5 of a series of handwritten notes left behind by my mama. Nothing has been changed. Enjoy!)

Mama'a Notes - Part Four

At Bonnie's House 4.30.10

I am alone with God for the first time in my sobriety. No meetings, no pressing work at hand, no telephone or television - Just us. My initial sense of fear and loneliness, tears and self-pity left as quickly as they came.

God is in me

He is with me

He is around me

I am at peace

with myself

Hallelujah

(This is part four in a series of handwritten notes left behind by my mama, June. Everything is typed as it was written.-Liz)

Mama's Notes - Part Three

4.29.10

I am usable to God. I am NOT disposable. I was still amid a moment of insanity. I was still and quiet- God heard my silent cries and He gave me the words and the willingness to help my fellow man.

Sweet, sweet Jesus. What a fountain of joy I bathed in knowing that You could and would use me if only I would listen.

". . . . be still and know that I am God. . . "

Some of Mama's little reminders on my cork board.

(This is part 3 of a series of handwritten notes left behind by my mother. Nothing has been added or taken away. - Liz)

Mama's Notes - Part Two

09.27.2010


In order to change, we cannot use our history as an excuse for continuing our behavior.We have no regrets for what might have been, for our experiences have shaped our talents as well as our defects of character.


It is our responsibility to discover our talents, to build our self-esteem, and to repair any damage done.

♥

Some toys from my mother's childhood.

(This is part two of a series of handwritten notes from my Mama, Beverly June. Nothing has been added or left out, this is typed the way it was written.)

Mama's Notes - Part One

According to Webster, the word meditate means "1.to reflect on: PONDER. 2.To plan or intend in the mind. . . to engage in contemplation."

According to Vine's An Exploration of New Testament Words it says that meditate means, "primarily to care for. . . .to attend to, practice. . . .be diligent in. . . to practice is the prevalent sense  of the word. . . . to ponder, imagine. . . "

Psalm 1:1-2
Joshua 1:8
Psalm 143:5

Taken from Battlefield of the Mind p.66



(This is part one of a series of handwritten notes that Mama left behind for us. Everything is typed out just like she had it on paper. -Liz)

for fall. . . .

♥

gettin' the band back together. . .

can you see it?

i'm shining the signal against these autumn clouds
i'm calling for a reunion

a gathering of minds
a sharing of ideas
a connection of souls

to be around hearts that have suffered
to come out singing a bittersweet song

to be around artists who feel
who know how to use their emotions to create

an environment of spiritual growth
a safe place to learn about ourselves
inspirations to one another
motivational happenings

so
when are we getting the band back together

A Sample of the Latest in Aj's Photography........

The Chocolate Shoppe, originally in Maggie Valley, is now located on Everett Street in Bryson City. Aj was recently asked to do some pictures for the shop that will be used for different marketing purposes. It will be an ongoing project and he will be taking photos of the store and the merchandise, edible and non. Here are a few shots to get your taste buds going.....

These pictures were taken on a brittle making day. Stay tuned for Aj's pictures of the chocolate and Donna in the process of making it!

Store Front at Night

Finally a shot of the store front with newly decorated windows. I took these at 2 this morning. Enjoy!

♥♥♥

liz

New Window Display at Humanité

On Monday, Aj and I completed the latest window display for Humanité. The theme we wanted to convey with the decor was school starting back. We purchased over 100 books from the Marianna Black Public Library's used bookstore. Most of the books are stacked in the display and weren't harmed, but others were made into beautiful works of art. The ideas for these pieces came from a book called "The Repurposed Library" that Humanité now sells.

We did several hanging mobiles to add dimension to the display. These are fun and also add movement.

I decided to add new titles to the front and sides of several books. The titles I chose represent the store and what we sell.

Aj and I made flowers from book pages that sprout from green string stems. These helped to add color to the backdrop. 

I haven't been able to get a good shot of the window display as a whole. Taking pictures of our very reflective glass has been a difficult task, but I hope to get a good one in the next night or so and will post it when I do. Hope you enjoy our pictures of our creations as much as we enjoy creating them!

Trying to Deal

Even though Mama died in November it wasn't until recently that the "mourning process" started getting me somewhere. Screaming has helped, crying has helped, but talking has really helped. I have talked to a lot of different people. Sometimes I get onto the subject of my thoughts and feelings only to find out that I am opening up to a close-minded person. This is hard. Mainly because I don't understand this kind of personality and know that they will never understand mine. Although I have learned things from struggling through this type of conversation, mostly lessons like: how not to be, what not to say and who not to talk about real issues with.  Sometimes I am talking just to talk out feelings that I can't yet comprehend. Often while telling people about Mama's suicide I realize that I am being very casual and open about a taboo subject. Probably one of the last real taboos of our time. Sometimes it makes the listener uncomfortable, other times I make a new connection with a fellow survivor of tragedy. The funny thing is, we are all survivors of tragedy in some way or another. Yet because we can't be honest with ourselves about the lives we have led or are currently leading, we get stuck in lies and fear. Or maybe we go through our whole lives perfectly content with acting like nothing happened. We live careful and timid lives. How boring. I'll take my life shaken, not carefully stirred so to not disturb the good stuff on the bottom. By good stuff I mean real, true emotion. Real feelings. Real thoughts. Truth. Life. THESE are a few of my favorite things.

Talking to my family, those who are suffering the same loss as me, has been a challenge. I love them all, and have learned so much about each one of them by watching and listening to their encounters of the same story. We have all lost an amazing person. Hurt and sadness make us say things we will later regret. Inconvenient truths will make us stand up for the bad guys and lie to those around us who are looking for answers. Addictions and mental instability will be blamed.  No one grows. No one benefits. Families are supposed to grow together. Tragedy should bring us closer. It has not. Truths continue to be denied. People continue to hide. Anger starts to show its ugly  face. I want to stop telling Dad things because of how mad he gets. Trust me, old man, I'm just as upset as you are, but I know hatred will get me nowhere. Everyday stupid things are being said to me, both about mama and the situation, by people who were close to mama and don't want what "she did" to mess up what they "have going". I have been forgiving, but will not be tolerant of ignorance, hatred and lies.
Families are made of people we can lean on, people who support us at our best and worst, people who help us when we fall, people who will tell our best stories when we are gone. Families are not people who keep a tally, people who do favors for you to get you to do for them, people who love you on their terms. Sometimes families are not determined by blood line at all.

My sis and me. Mama raised up right.

One of the people I first began talking to was John Quinnett. A great friend and poet, John had a lot to offer. He was a social worker for years and knew a lot about alcoholism, memory repression and the like. He seemed to know a lot about suicide as well, so I wasn't too surprised to learn that his brother, Paul, is a clinical psychologist and the director of the QPR Institute, an educational organization dedicated to preventing suicide. Search Google for Dr Paul Quinnett to read more about Paul and his work. Here is a recommended video interview with Paul:  Paul Quinnett Innovations in Suicide Prevention



I have read and recommend the book Sanity & Grace. Judy Collins has done extensive research on the subject of suicide, and the books she suggests for survivors are wide-ranging. The singer advises suicide survivors to join groups of others like themselves. "I started going to a survivors' group and heard other stories, and I told them my story," she remembers. "I learned from that tool. Suicide is the result of a disease and should be treated as such."
This book can be purchased locally from City Lights Bookstore .

Keeping Secrets

Funny how things are swept under rugs so we can live our lives like nothing ever happened. This act inhibits growth. A strong majority of families live this way, with rugs sitting on decades of dirt surrounded by clean, polished floors. So is it wrong for me to want to air out the rug, so to speak? Why wear blinders? Why not be  honest with ourselves and others about what's hidden in our past? To not only help us get over it, but to overcome it. Your past will haunt, and ultimately rule, your life. Here's another grand reason why you should share your experiences: Imagine the positive impact you can have on someone suffering quietly over the same things you've struggled  with. The personal connections you can make with others based on shared experiences are incredible.

"Our secrets keep us sick." Mama was so right. But it's not only our secrets that keep us sick, it's what we go through to keep the secrets. The lies, the deceit, the denial, the fear that the people around us will no longer love us if the truth was out there for all to see. The fear that forgiveness isn't for you, the fear of hurting others. Theodor Seuss Geisel said it best when he said, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Surround yourself with people who love you. Be honest with them, let them be honest with you. Be honest with yourself. Don't hide. If you have to hide, maybe you aren't in the right place. Don't repress, remember and overcome.

And by the way.......forgiveness is for everyone. Yes. Even the ones who have wronged you.

A Warning of Blog Content

I have been working on a series that will be the content of my next several posts. I wanted to warn you to have your tissues at the ready when you sit down to read. Some of them may end up being real tear jerkers.

I have wanted to write a book about my life for so long. The problem? I am a total scatter brain. Here one minute, ten years in the past the next. I decided to start by writing down short thoughts and memories as they come to me, and later put them into the proper chapters. Some of my more memorable and contemplative writings will be posted here. I am open to and would appreciate any thoughts or comments, as this will be my editing process.

Farewell Ben King........

My dearest friend, though he'd never admit it, is leaving Bryson City for opportunities in California. I will miss his talent, his ideas and his input. There's no one else like him in this little town of ours. There will be an unfillable void. Ben is one of few friends who can handle the truth as well as they dish it out. I'll miss our sibling-like bickering.

As many of you know, Ben is a very talented photographer. In the last couple of years he has helped me with photos for my music and for my job at Humanité. However, getting a picture of Ben was never easy. So to honor him before he leaves I have decided to post some of mine and Aj's greatest attempts. Hope you enjoy.

 Don't forget to tell Ben how much you love him before he goes.....he just loves emotional moments. heehee

In case you haven't already, check out Ben's photography blog!

To brighten it up a bit...........

A couple of little sketches I did in a happier moment. Did these at The Charles Heath Gallery while Aj worked. I enjoy hanging out in the gallery with Aj and Charles. It's an experience! The personalities, the music, the inspiration!